Praise the Lord!!!!

Well, today was my 17th birthday. One more year, and I'm a legal adult. Who else does that seem bizarre to? I'm too young for all those things!!! My momma would've been hysterical. I truly thought that this day would be much harder on me than it actually was. My mom was here in spirit, and while I wish she could've been here in the flesh as well, I know that God knows what's right for me. My Heavenly Father has my best interest in mind all the time. The thing to remember is that she's no longer suffering. She's perfect!!!! She has a new body; one void of cancer and any other diseases.

For your beauty, For your goodness, And your wisdom.. Awesome God Praise the Lord oh my soul, Praise the Lord. For your power, For your honor, And your splendor... Mighty God Praise the Lord oh my soul, Praise the Lord. And I will worship you, I will bless your name forever, I will worship you, Bless the Lord oh my soul, Bless the Lord. For your Kindness For your Favor, For your Mercy.. Gracious One Thank the Lord oh my Soul, Thank the Lord. For your fire, For your testing And your Spirit... Holy One Thank the Lord oh my Soul, Thank the Lord. For your Suffering, For your Anguish And your sorrow.. humble King, Bless the Lord oh my soul, Bless the Lord For your Victory,For your Triumph, And you'll soon come and reign over all. And I will worship you, I will bless your name forever. I will worship you, Bless the Lord oh my Soul, Bless the Lord And I will worship you, I will bless your name forever. I will worship you, Bless the Lord oh my Soul, Bless the Lord.

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Birthday Party

My 17th birthday is a week from today, and my party was last night into today. It felt kinda weird. Normally, my mom would've been "sneaking" around "getting something from the kitchen" while actually spying on us!!! Especially since there were boys there. The other thing that was especially weird was having to go to my dad with problems between me and a friend. I've always gone to my ma. She understood that people could be vicious. My mom had troubles making friends in high school, but as her best friend said at her funeral, "I look around, and she did NOT have trouble making friends." Maybe in high school, but not after it didn't matter very much....My mom was so loved!!!
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A Release of Pressure

Last week Thursday was somewhat odd. I couldn't focus on pretty much anything. My mind kept wandering. Each time that I realized that I wasn't focusing, my mind had ended up on my mom. I started crying a bit. Last Thursday was two days after the four month anniversary of my mom's death. I think in my subconscious, I realized that I'd forgotten. When I got home that day, I thought that I'd gotten rid of all that bottled emotion. Boy was I wrong!!!!
I got to talking to a friend of mine, and released all of my emotion on him. It was horrible!!! Those who know me know that I absolutely abhor crying and telling people my feelings. I thank that friend immensely!!!

"When no one else knows how I feel
[God's] love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
[He] runs to me with outstretched hands
And [He] holds me in [His] arms
Again"

Prom

Wow.... I have my high school Prom in less than two months, and designed my own dress. I just realized that had I not designed my own dress, my mom wouldnt have gotten to see it. She saw it only on paper, but she still got to see it. It's going to be specially made for me. Mom and I were going to make it together, but then she got really sick. Her and I never got to go look at swatches together. I thank God everyday that she's not suffering anymore, and I thank Him for Bonnie who is sort of another grandmother to us kids. She can sew really well and will be making my dress along with some other ladies from our church. I'm so excited, but also saddened. I wanted my mom to be here to do the mom things.... take pics, go with me to get my hair and nails done, tell me if my make up looks bad....She will be here in spirit, though. And I have plenty of people who love me and are willing to play the mom part for me. I love my family.... relatives, church, and close friends.
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A Beautiful Poem by a Beautiful Girl

My friend, Danielle, who is amazing--smart, athletic, and gorgeous, wrote a poem for my mom, and I finally asked her if she'd be okay with me putting it on here, and she said yes!!! Danielle was like another daughter to my mom. Her and Sarah both.

Amy
Amy you were so special to me
You were always there when I needed you to be
If I needed to talk, you would lend an ear
You were there to listen, not just to hear
I miss you so much and it's hard to understand
Why God took you so soon, but he had something special planned
He knew you would touch the lives of everyone you met
You'd put your handprint on their heart, and I'd be willing to bet
That everyone who knew you would agree with me
You were an amazing woman that others strived to be
You loved everyone, and they loved you
Not a feat that too many can do
I know you've gone home to a much better place
Where there's no pain or suffering and a smile on your face
Just know that I miss you, and simply can't wait
To meet you in heaven, oh won't it be great!

Thank you Danielle!!!! Please know that I love you and so does my momma.
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